Motherhood

This post is dedicated to all you moms who are way too hard on yourselves.


In our church we do what we call visiting teaching. This is where all of the women are assigned a partner and you both are assigned 2 or 3 other women to visit once a month together. This program is wonderful. It is so nice to have someone come visit you, bring a spiritual message, make sure you are doing alright, and help you out when you need it. Like this past spring when my visiting teacher saw we were in need of a car and let us borrow a truck she wasn't using very often. We were so grateful for her help and that she was looking out for us.

Story: This summer I bought a double stroller and we walked everywhere so my husband could take the car to work. Summers here are gorgeous so it was always nice to get a good walk in.

So, in August I think, I was meeting my partner to visit teach. I got the stroller all ready and the kids all ready (which always takes longer than anticipated) and after far too long we were finally on our way to the first appointment.

(I have never been a punctual person, in fact I have always been late EVERYWHERE. Needless to say punctuality is something I have worked on my entire life of almost 29 years).

So, we were late... again. I was walking as fast as I could, and as I was, I was thinking, "Man! Why do I have to be late all the time?! Why can't I just leave when I need to?!?!" etc, etc.

At the time my little girl was about two months old and we were all still getting used to having another little baby around. As I was scolding myself for my tardiness, I had the distinct impression of how proud my Heavenly Father was of me for trying to raise these two little kids. I was reminded once again of what is most important out of all the things required of me.

Sure, visiting teaching is extremely important in our church. It is how the Lord takes care of all his daughters and cares for their individual needs. BUT... first and foremost I am a mother and my responsibility to care for and raise these children who have been entrusted to me is the most important.

Now that is not to say that because I am a busy mom I don't need to go visiting teaching, because I do. But... maybe it is not as perfect as I would like. Maybe I forget to bring the lesson and even to read the lesson I am supposed to share (as I did at our last visit:-)). All I can do is my best that I can do and just keep trying. And with practice it will all get better, as everything does... as even motherhood does.

Nowhere to Hide

Our place is for sale and yesterday the Realtor showed it to a potential buyer. I tried to get it as clean as I could and then we left while they were looking. Later on in the day I thought, "You know, you just can't hide the kind of lifestyle you live. It can be really clean and pleasant, but I can't hide the fact that it is a modest place. You just can't pretend to have something you don't."

Now I am not ashamed of our home or how we live. Having people come into my home just made me feel exposed and made me think. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us, or envy us for that matter, it just helped me reflect on some things.

Just like I can't hide the house that I live in, we can't hide the people we are either. So why do we try??? What is there to be ashamed of? And why can't we be ok with how we are - just how we are, not "If only I were this dress size" or "If only my hair was longer" or "If only I had cuter clothes" or "If only I were better at this or that, etc. etc... then I would be happy with myself." (I have thought all of these things and much more at one time or another... maybe even at the same time). Why are we so hard on ourselves?

I was in the gym the other day and saw a mirror and thought, "There is just no hiding that I have some extra lbs to loose is there?" And so what!! That is how I am right now. It is almost like it is ok for everyone else to just be the way they are, but for us, however we are is just unacceptable or not quite good enough.

Of course we should be trying to improve ourselves (in every way), but as we try to do the right things, can't we also just LOVE ourselves for who we are?!? Why not think we are just great??? Kids do and look how happy they are!! The Bub thinks he is adorable - that is so healthy! Whenever he sees a mirror he gets the biggest smile on his face and starts dancing around and watching himself and wanting me to watch. And no he is not comparing himself to other kids to think that. He just thinks he is great. What if we all felt that good about ourselves? Wouldn't the world be a better place? Unless of course... we became obsessed with ourselves and spent all day looking in the mirror... then we would be a vain people ripe for destruction.... hmmmm....... Anyway, you get my point:)....

Just some thoughts I had. I think Heavenly Father is sad when we don't take care of ourselves, which includes loving ourselves. So I will stop looking for places to hide and just be me... and love it:-).

I read a very good post by a relative of a good friend of mine that is about a similar topic. I don't actually know her, but her blog is public so I don't think she will mind that I found her blog and that I am sharing it with you.

Hello... MOM!!

Have you ever looked in the mirror and realized how much you look like your mother? Sometimes when I see pictures of myself I think, "That is Mom's smile!" Or when I see pictures of my mom I think, "I stand that way too!" My mother would tell you when I talk it sounds like something my Dad would say, which is sometimes true- even my husband has said that. I have had people tell me my voice sounds like my Mom, especially when I laugh, which I will just have to take their word for it because I can't tell. I can see both my Mom and Dad in me... isn't it amazing?!?! We really are the product of two people... and then a little spice of ourselves:-). But, there is one thing that I know I inherited from my Mom and NOT my Dad, and that is my knack for thinking up the worst possible scenario and worrying about it.

Story: This summer we took a road trip to San Diego. We had a 2 year old and a 5 week old so we made a lot of stops, to say the least. Many times we would just need an emergency diaper change and would pull off at the next exit, which was usually just in the middle of the dessert, nothing in site for miles. So... the middle of the HOT, DRY DESERT.

After one of these stops in the middle of the afternoon I said, "Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't get bitten by a rattle snake just now!!" Ok, that sounds ridiculous I know. But, usually when I say something like this, I HAVE actually thought it as a concern, but I will SAY it out loud just to get a reaction from my husband and maybe make him smile. So that is what I did... "Sure glad I didn't get bitten by a rattle snake just now!!" with a little drama in my expression... ok maybe a lot. He just laughed, shook his head and said, "Are you your mother's daughter or what?!?!"

Until he said that I hadn't thought about it, but it is so true! I am just like my mother in that way. Or maybe it's a girl thing... no... I think it is just a mother/daughter thing:-). BUT... a little paranoia never hurt anyone, right? AND... it is people like us that keep the world a safe place... right Mom?!?!:-) AND... I was just trying to make him laugh... mostly:-).

Love At Home

I had to play my violin in church yesterday for the musical number. As I started playing I was thinking, "Oh!! Can't you just get that note a little higher?!?! Oooo... don't scratch! Ok, delicate, remember???" etc, etc. Then I remembered, "I am not giving a performance today!!! I am supposed to be bringing the Holy Spirit to this meeting and using this piece to worship God." So I started thinking about what it was I was playing, a hymn called Love at Home.

The opening words are, "There is beauty all around when there's love at home." I thought about our home. We are having a bit of a struggle with our Bub right now. He is a good boy, and smart, but he is pretty far behind in some areas of his development. He doesn't talk much and screams a lot to communicate, as well as sign. He can be pretty wild and a bit stubborn... ok a lot stubborn. It is a struggle to get him to do/not do anything. I know this might sound like any two-year-old you may come in contact with, but those associated with him have noticed a difference between him and other kids his age. He is the only two-year-old we really know, but when we are with some of his friends, it is clear to us as well that there is something different. We have been working with the Children's Learning Center in town and are trying to find out what we can do to help him and if it is just that he is slow in his development or if it is something more. Although he may be just fine and this might be just a stage he is going through, I confess it is on my mind constantly.

As I was playing and thinking about the words to the hymn and our own family, I could hear the Bub screaming in the hall. -We had started church inside the chapel, but soon ended up in the foyer because of screaming. It is hard on the Bub when I leave (as I was going to have to to play), so we just stayed out there for the entire meeting.- As I thought, I thought of how grateful I am for that little boy and how much I love him. That is one thing in our home that is constant; we may look flustered and tired and a little beside ourselves and our kids may be screaming and crying and throwing things around (including themselves), but we love them. And we will continue to love them, no matter what. And truly... "there is beauty all around when there's love at home."

The Circus

Have you ever felt like your pew at church is a circus gone bad? ...I have. And yesterday was no exception.

The family meeting (sacrament meeting) is the last of three meetings here. I decided to feed baby before it started. As we were finishing up I heard a squeal in the hall... oh no... that's The Bub. We went out into the hall and he just needed his nuk(binkie). So I gave it to him and we went back to our seats.

Everyone was happy for about 10 min. Then all of a sudden, The Bub chucks his nuk two rows in front of us. So the kind people in the row pick it up and pass it back. He gets it and turns around and throws it behind us. The kind people behind us pick it up and give it back.

Now you are saying, "Why on earth are you giving it back to him?!?!" Well, not only does he throw it, but as soon as he throws it he points and screams for it...until he gets it back. So this happened about four times or so.

Meanwhile, baby decides she is not happy sitting. She only falls asleep if she is bounced, so I start bouncing her in my arms. This isn't working and she is getting louder. So... The Bub is screaming and launching his nuk at the folks around us and baby is yelling at me. I just looked at my husband in disbelief and we both got up, each with a kiddo, and went out in the foyer.

The Bub wasn't happy because I didn't bring his nuk, so my husband was basically dragging him. **Note: You have to understand, as I am sure you do... even though it sounds like The Bub is just a brat, church is long and he is tired (which is NOT a good thing), so it is just really hard on him. That being said, he is still the worst behaved child in the meeting.... So, we went into a small room and I stayed with The Bub while my husband walked baby around the halls.

The Bub did not like that dad was gone, so he really got sad. I asked him if he wanted to go sit by daddy and he smiled and said, "Daaie!" Now when The Bub smiles it is the sweetest thing and it is really hard to believe he is the same Bub that resembled more of a beast the minute before. I asked him to hold my hand and said we had to be really good to sit by Daddy. And we walked quietly and happily out of the room.

When we got back into the meeting, Daddy wasn't there because he was still walking baby, but it was ok. We sat down and I pulled out a colored pencil and notebook for The Bub to draw with and that kept him occupied for 10 min or so (usually I can't get him to color, so this is big!).

When Daddy finally got back in and sat down, it wasn't two seconds before baby was crying again. So I took her and got up to leave. Earlier The Bub had asked for his nuk again, so I had given it to him and after a minute he had tossed it into the seat in front of us. I had hurried and picked it up and put it behind me and had gotten him interested in coloring again. So when I got up to leave, I forgot and left it. Sure enough, when I peeked back inside, he had it in his mouth.

When baby finally fell asleep I went back in and sat down. Everything was fine for a while. I could feel the end drawing nearer and was hoping everything would stay calm for just a few more minutes. I pulled out some crackers and his truck and tried to keep him happy and his attention shifting from one thing to the other. But... during the closing song... he chucked his nuk... and screamed.

So, I picked him up to leave. The closing song was over now and the prayer was about to be said, and as we approached the door, he let out the loudest, longest, blood curdling scream he could. As if that was the cue, all the other kids in the room started up. ...And we had the shortest closing prayer I have ever heard.

Now, I have sat by disruptive children before and it is hard to hear and to really pay attention to what is being said. I don't want to disrupt anyone in church. But... we are doing our best. If the meeting was not supposed to have kids in it, it wouldn't. But it is a family meeting. So... we do our best to teach our children reverence, to keep them quiet, and take them out when they are not... but that is all we can do. I WILL NOT feel guilty or irritated every week because my
child is irreverent. I just won't. I WILL do what I have to do while trying to catch as much as I can of what is being said.

Amazingly enough, amongst all of the chaos yesterday, I actually heard two GREAT talks that helped my testimony of the gospel grow. That just goes to show, you can feel the holy spirit anywhere... even in a circus:-).

Still Got It

I hope you find this story more amusing than my husband did.

To set this up I have to tell you this: When I was a new missionary in Switzerland I had this wonderful trainer who was HILARIOUS! She made me laugh all the time. Sometimes when we would be walking down the street a car would honk. She would turn to me, grin and say, "You've still got it, Soeur(French for sister)!" We would laugh about that all the time.

Well, the other day I was coming home from teaching violin. It was a nice day and I was happy. As I was walking into our complex I noticed a tall ladder leading up to the roof of one of the buildings. There were about three men at the bottom of it just standing there. One of them kind of looked like the guy that lived in one of the apartments, but I don't think it was. I think they must have been workers. I didn't realize this at first and I just smiled a little, VERY little, as I passed. Most people here are pretty friendly to each other.

As I walked to my place I heard a male voice yelling, "Hi sweetheart! Hey, come back!" etc. I looked around and thought, "Are you kidding?! Their talking to ME?!" I looked back, kind of with a disgusted look on my face, at least it felt that way, and one of the men waved and yelled, "BYE!"

Ok, first of all, that just doesn't happen in this town much. Second, I just had a baby and don't really feel what I would call cute. And lastly, and the most important point of all... I was wearing PREGO PANTS!!!

No I am not pregnant and yes it has been over 3 months since I had my baby, but despite my efforts at the gym my "big" pants squeeze my insides after too long and it hurts. And my "bigger" pants have huge holes in them from over-use from my last pregnancy. So... it is true... sometimes I just wear the pregos-they are just more comfortable. (I actually did break down last night and bought some pants that I can wear NOW. Hopefully I won't have to for too long:-))

So, when I got inside my place, at first I thought, "Ugh, go be a creepy in your own neighborhood!" But then I busted up laughing in disbelief. I could just hear my awesome trainer saying, "You've still got it, Soeur!"

Just a little story to make you laugh. Now the next time you see me you will be saying, "Now are those prego pants or regular pants?" You'll never know... unless the panel is showing:-).

The Grocery Store

I went to the grocery store today for the first time with both my kids. While in the store everything went pretty well. I had The Bub (2 year old) in the seat and, since I forgot the front carrier, I left The Girl in her car seat and put it in the basket-there wasn't a whole lot of room for the groceries... which was probably a good thing;).

There was a little crying and squealing, but nothing bad... until we got to the check-out. There was a girl in front of us with a little boy-probably about 3 years old-who was crying. After she left and it was our turn, The Bub decided it was his turn.

If you know him, you know that he has a VERY piercing scream, and I mean scream. It almost hits an octave we has humans can't even hear... almost. So, he decided to scream... just to scream. And when he found it even echoed in there-that was even better! The first one caught everyone off guard and the entire front of the store turned to look in horror. I thought, "Man that was loud! I bet the entire store heard that!"

Now if this had been the first time this had happened I might have been embarrassed, but he has been doing this for a while now, screaming in public.

After 3 or so screams I found his nuk (binkie) and shoved it in his mouth. Although he is old enough to be rid of it, he is still very attached to it and it comes in handy sometimes:)-we'll deal with that when he starts talking more and screaming less....

Anyway, the lady at the check-out was glaring at him, so I smiled and said, "You've got all the rotten kids today, don't you?"

She commented on his screaming-as everyone does, as if I didn't notice it-and how she is not sure where kids learn it, but it sure gets attention, or something like that.

As we left the store I couldn't help but remember when we were first married living in Idaho. There was a little girl-about 18 mo old-who would sit in front of us at church. She too had the screaming technique down and I would look at her just horrified and think, "Oh my gosh! I hope my kids NEVER do that to me!!" Funny... I think The Bub might be even worse than she was:).

Sweet Smile

Today at lunch I was helping baby when my 2 yr old threw his plate on the floor. I went over to him and said,

"What happened?"

He just pointed at the grapes on the counter and squealed (he doesn't talk much yet). I went over to the counter, cut up more grapes, and went to the table.

"What happened to your plate?"

He pointed at it on the ground and squealed.

"How did it get there?"

I picked it up and said, "Do you want more grapes?"

He got excited and started signing grapes.

"You have to use your plate."

He smiled, reached for the plate and said, "pay!" I couldn't help but smile, give him his grapes, and be grateful for that sweet smile in my life.

Too Serious

I think I tend to take myself and life a little too seriously. Let me give you an example:

When I was in 1st or 3rd grade (can't remember), one of my friends from school came with me to church. A couple weeks after that she came to me and said, "Your church is fun! Can I come again?" I thought about it and said, "You know, church isn't supposed to be fun." ... And that statement pretty much sums up my life.

Why I thought it wasn't supposed to be fun I am not sure. I think in my mind "fun" meant irreverence and that was bad. But in reality, life IS supposed to be fun. Or at least we are supposed to be happy.

Now, of course, I wish I had never said those words to her because she was a girl just looking for a friend. At least I can now look back and learn from it. And although there are somethings we should take seriously, the majority of the time I could lighten up a bit... just ask my husband:).

I am a mother. When my second child was born I found that I was spending all of my time irritated at my 2 year old because of his miss-behavior. I was overwhelmed by the things that needed to be done; cooking, cleaning, entertaining a 2 year old, and taking care of a new born ... not to mention taking care of myself.

After a couple months I felt like I was getting better at it, but was still having a hard time. I felt like an emotional roller coaster that was out of control. One day while taking a shower, I was feeling sorry for myself and asked Heavenly Father, "How am I supposed to do this?!?!" The answer came right away: "Kim, you are trying to do this by yourself." That was the answer; I needed to rely on the Lord (which I knew, I just wasn't doing), but also those around me. That is not easy for most of us to do. We like to serve, but not to BE served so much.

Just receiving this answer made me feel better. I started to relax and look at my children as they should be regarded; as gifts from God. I let those that offered to help me help and our friendship was strengthened. And the more I relaxed and was happy, remarkably, the more I got done! And THAT made everyone happy.

Then I heard a talk by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, an apostle for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He talked about something his mother told him once when his football team lost a game. She said, "Come what may, and love it." He talked about the positive effects laughter can have in life. I thought, "That is it! I need to laugh more and not take things so seriously!" Learning to laugh at myself and difficult times is hard. But when I can do it, life is sooooo much better!

There is a community of bloggers that are amazing women-those I know and those I don't personally know-whom I have come across that have taught me so much, just from their life experiences and their attitudes about life. I do not feel like I have much to offer those who read this blog, but at times I think it is just nice to know you are not the only one going through some of life's challenges. Mostly this blog is for me (blogging, I find, is almost therapeutic!)-to help me learn to laugh at myself and the things life throws at me, and then to learn from these experiences. To make every day part of "the good times."